HAPPY BIRTHDAY  / Gemma

HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY TO MY NIECE JESSICA

LOVE & KISSES

AUNTIE GEMMA XX

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been a while  / Dave Payne (Friend)
oh Gemma to be honest I cannot remember the last time I wrote something on here. I guess in a way it was a way for me to try and forget what terrible tragedy had taken place. Well I come here now after a couple of years to say hello again and sorry that I tried to push it out of my mind. So much has happened since my last message, I am now the proud father of two boys and I know you would have made a great 'auntie' Gemma. You had an infectious quality about you that made everyone smile no matter what mood they were in. If I could learn just one thing from you it would be to smile as much as you did no matter what was happening in life. I shall always take those memories of your happiness with me no matter what i go through in my life. When my time comes too it would be nothing short of marvellous to be able to catch up with you again. Until that day I hope you watch down on us all and give us your blessings in the hope that we live our lives with the same love for it that you had. Still thinking of you xxxxxxxxxxxx

Dave Close

Time.... / Mum

Darling Gemma.

I often sit here reflecting on the changes to my life since 2004 ..I know as a person i have changed so much from the day you left maybe it is the grief i still live with... it is now nearly 11 weeks since Grandad died.. yet i accept that his life ended when it did.. his body had worn out so there was no way he could have survived.. yes i feel sad i will never see my dad again yet this is the natural progression of life/death.. your death is something i will never fully accept.. yes i live with the knowledge you are gone forever that does'nt mean i have to accept it was right!  only this evening  i was talking with Madelyn reflecting on times when i first spoke with her nearing four years now ...how we both now are used to you and Chris not being here that is not acceptance just we have no option but to live without our children like it or not.. wondering what you and Chris would be doing if you were still here one thing we both know for sure and that is you will both forever be 20 you will never get old like Madelyn and I will so all our memories ended with both of you age 20.. Madelyn is such a special friend to me now Gem and i can say that is something i would not change if times were different..

Tomorrow we are having a barbecue in memory of Grandad as it would have been his 80th birthday Monday.. Nan had already planned to celebrate it so we think it's only right to carry out grandad's wishes.. as you know Gem our family has always had it's up's and down's this one or that one was always having an argument yet since Grandad's death it has made us all realise how trivial these arguments are.. life's too short to hold a grudge and not talk.. that is the one wish i know Grandad wanted and that was for us 4 of his children to all be talking and all be together.. i will do my utmost to continue his wishes.. we are getting a little older now so we have to make the best of the life we have.. no one know's what tomorrow will bring i know that better than any.. none of us are perfect and we all have our funny ways but we are who we are and have to be accepted for that..

I really have learnt so much Gem i just wish i did'nt have to lose you to change my outlook on life..

I love and miss you as much as ever Gem never doubt that..

love mum x

 

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me.... / X. Mum X.

Darling Gemma.

My feelings for you are the same as the day you left me.. I love you and want you here so much it hurts... i try so hard to make others understand yet i never will i get so frustrated at this as well meaning people feel they know what i need.. what is best for me.. i'm sick and tired of being told how i should feel!! only i know this horrible feeling of loss.. emptiness.. like there's a big hole inside of me.. time is supposed to heal they say well that is so not true!! this past week i have felt so lonely .. so lost.. consummed with you Gem i want what we had Gem the times we just sat and chatted over a cup of tea.. simple everyday things.. when i go out i no longer have you helping me with make-up or choosing an outfit... i don't have you to go shopping with..and  to buy you that top you like.. everything i ever had with you and most of all your love Gem.. i want to be able to hug you to show how much i love you.. you and I always had such a good mother/daughter relationship and i want this back!! i am so sad Gem that i will never see you again .. never be able to experience the good things happening in your life.. i try so hard to make a diifference in my day to day life always planning.. yet  i always come back to the same feelings... the one thing that would ever change how i feel inside is if you were here with me... yet i know that can never happen.. Grandad has been gone now for 5 weeks yet i have'nt even begun to grieve for him... I am totally consummed with  you .. times when i feel like this Gem i feel i have had enough.. i really don't want to  be here... I know this pain will never leave me.. at times it subsides but right now it hurts so very much.. yet there's no magic wand.. no medication... NOTHING!! so i have to continue to live life as i am...

Dear Gemma why did you have to leave?? so many questions i still need the answers...there are times i still feel with all these thoughts going round and round in my head that i will go mad!! cos the frustration that this is how it will always be...is so not how i want to continue with my life...

I love you with all my heart Gem and right now that is all that matters..

your heartbroken mum xx

                      

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SENDING LOTS OF LOVE  / ROSE GRMA TO ANGEL BRITTANY SYFERT (BRITT'S ANGEL FRIEND )

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Grandad... / Mum

Dear Gem

24th March 2008

Have been up the hospital today Grandad was taken in Good friday very very Ill, he fought so hard but in the end his heart could take no more and sadly this afternoon he passed away.. Nan and us 4 children were all there.. your sisters and cousins too, all  our family all except you.. yet maybe in the only way you could be you were there.. I do hope so Gem i have to believe that Grandad has gone to a better place, as much as i am sad that my Dad has died i look around and see his legacy and that is me my siblings and our children... without Grandad none of us would be here so that is the right chain  of events even though we never want our parents to die.. there comes a time when it is the kindest thing as like Grandad his body was worn out he has been living with a bad heart for such a long time and today came the time for him to finally rest peacefully...

 sitting here now i can smile at all the  memories of my childhood.. as well as memories of your childhood when you stayed with Nan and Grandad so as much as i will miss my Dad i have to believe it was right for him and i must admit it was a relief when he finally passed as he was so very tired and  exhausted..

If there is a heaven Gem and you are there please take care of my Dad until the time comes for me to join you both.. I still have my issues with you leaving Gem and i think i always will cos your death was never meant to be...

Love you always and forever Gem and if you were there when Grandad passed i do hope he gave you the biggest hug ever from me..

Love Mum x

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Happy Easter Gemma  / Tess, Angel Matthew McPhail's Mummy (Angel Mummy Who Cares )

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Happy Saint Patrick's Gemma  / Tess, Angel Matthew McPhail's Mummy (Angel Mummy Who Cares )

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hi gem  / Emma Moon (friend)

Hi Gem

sorry i havnt wrote in a while someone told me not to but i dont care you were my friend so i have the right to.so much has been happening lately,my 14 yr old sister in law who went missing in sligo 2 years ago,body may have been found we are just waiting for the dna results.my partner is off over to see the rest off the family tommorow.2 children told the police that there dad had murdered melissa and they told the police exactly were her body is .you never think it could happen to you or your family but it can its sickining to think what kind off people are out there.the police are 99.9% sure its melissa if it is im going to ask your mum how i do a memorial sight.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Thinking of you Gemma & Family  / Sharon My~*~Siobhan

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For Beauitful Gemma Happy Easter  / Sharon ~*~Siobhan

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Happy Easter Gemma  / Kate Porter Christopher's Mum
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too many painful days..  / Mum

Darling Gemma.

Hardly got over last week and our birthdays.. now tomorrow i have Mother's day.. I will once again put out the two plaques i have.. the last two gifts you bought me..I will never stop missing you Gem more so at these times.. times i know you would have given me another gift to treasure...only today made me realise how much life has changed for all of us in these 3 years since you passed.. Scott gave me a beautiful hand tied bouquet of flowers.... he had asked Marie on Monday about it.. he did'nt have to be reminded! this must mean he is growing up! which i know he is and have to expect.. when i think back to 2004 he was such a child 12 years old.. now he is in his 16th year and really maturing not only mentally but also physically.. only today he asked Dad if he could show him how to shave ( he wanted to shave his upper lip) apparently at Cadets a Sergeant had commented that he should get rid of it as it is really noticeable.. can't believe Scott is becoming an Adult.. i noticed only last week when he was in conversation with Alan whilst we were at the tree that he was'nt the child he was in  2004 ...the child you knew.. i know you would have had so much in common with him Gem although he isn't into the music like you he is always on the computer msn just like you were.. it's sad you will never get to know the adult brother like Natalie and Marie will and it really brings it home to me how time changes everything for us yet nothing for you.. age 20 is what you were and age 20 you will stay forever... when Scott reaches 20 I am dreading in a way as it should never be possible your brother could ever get older than you.. so much goes around and around in my head Gem i still can't make sense of this life i have now.. my mind always wanders to thoughts of you always wondering what you would look like now. what you would be doing with your life now.. i'm never going to know the answers i  always just have to make believe..

Mothers day along with all the other special days are not the same anymore.. and i tire of trying to make others understand that this is how it always will be.. there are those like Uncle Phil who tries so hard to understand yet how can i really expect anyone to understand truly life without you.. as to understand will be to live life without your child and i will never wish that on anyone.. so tomorrow i will once again go through the motions but always reminded that you are missing .. i always will Gem..

I will never forget you Gem you are still loved as much as ever and always will be..

missing you so much sweetheart

                             love Mumx

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Springtime Makes Me Remember You Too..  / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)

Dearest Gemma,

I'm sure you saw me at your tree last week for your Birthday. As long as i live and breathe i will always make time for you on these occasions. I do it for you of course firstly and also for your Mum,Dad,sisters and Scott. Because i know from conversations in the past with your Mum just how important it is for them to see that we do all remember you. Which we do.

 I might pop to see Nan and Grandad later on today-i know they miss you lots too. Nans always in tears for you when she hears a sad song. It must be hard for them both to accept too,that you so young should have to pass away.

I spent a lot of time over the years in Walthamstow,in their old house as did you,and of course us together. We were both so quiet,i remember us sitting on Nans porch step talking,or up in the spare room playing with those two dollies nan had! We would always both try and get to the hard plastic one first because it was more realisitc than the other soft,squidgy one!

Then when they moved to the mobile they're in now,though we were teenagers we would go over the park together or sit in the little spare room and chat and giggle. So many lovely memories.

I wander where the time goes? And think wouldnt is be nice to go back there and see you again...

 Springtime always makes me think of you,when i see the pretty daffodils and crocus' all come out in bloom. I bought 2 bunches of daffs the other day and put your picture right next to one of them in the living room. It's nice to look at your picture and see you smiling right back at us. Such a happy soul,you will always be remembered and your memory cherished.

all my love,

Sarah.xxx

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THINKING OF YOU GEMMA  / Beth Dickerson (Jimmy's MOm )
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Our Birthdays  / Mum

Hi Gem

Well thankfully our birthdays are nearly over.. Friday was a day of celebration to you.. i should never have to imagine how you would be age 24... you should be here in my life for me to see the changes in you as the years pass yet since you left all i have are memories and thoughts of how you might be now.. your tree looks so pretty once again Marie made a pretty arrangemet which was tied to your tree lots of pinks.. Uncle Phil and Sarah came with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.. they are so pretty i asked Sarah if she would mind me bringing them home to leave in the little  garden we made for you, it makes such lovely colour for me to see in these winter days.. Beccy left some pretty pink flowers and we even took a picture of her little Charlie sitting with them.. he is so cute just like Daniel.. Aunt Yvonne left a red rose for you and Alan with his mum Pat  left a pretty pink plant which was planted by the tree.. Nan and Grandad wanted to come but Grandad really is not well and i know they always remember you..

we then went to the Pub as we do each year to celebrate your birthday in some way..i know that no matter how many years pass Gem i will always feel the immense pain i felt Friday and have felt on every b'day.. xmas. mothers day.. any family occasion.. it's so hard to try and explain these feelings.... today being my birthday although sad you are not here i have to say say was not so bad..  having Jess Emma and Daniel makes a difference and i have to put the mask on for them they came with their cards and presents as they always do so how can i be sad when i see their little faces with big smiles... yet i do miss you Gem when opening the cards from your sisters and brother.. i should still have one from you.. i will always miss you so much Gem..

Sarah made a pretty card for you along with cards for me.. she always texts me on these sad times even though things have not been that easy for her..such a caring girl just as you were..  i suppose she gets this from her dad Uncle Phil as he is the one person i can always rely on to be there for me irrelevant of the problems he has going on in his life he always takes time to listen and try to help which is all i can ever hope for... it is and always will be so hard to try and explain what life is like living without you Gem and i know others od not really want to know I can't blame them cos if they truly knew would mean they had lost a child too.. something noone wants to experience..

another year of our birthdays out of the way thanfully until the next occasion..

Love you always and forever Gemma

                                  mum x 

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL GEMMA WITH LOVE ALWAYS  / LaRaine Mom To Angel Cynthia Hernandez (friend)

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEMMA YOU

WILL ALWAYS BE LOVED

AND REMEMBERED

 

 

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Happy Birthday Precious Angel Gemma xx  / Delia Allan Tomlin's Mum

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Happy Birthday Gemma  / Jo-Ann Pacenta Mom Of Angel Lauren (Connected by angels )
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Happy Birthday Gemma  / Denise Kneale (connected by angels )

Have a wonderful Birthday Gemma, celebrating with all our Angels and lighting up our skies.

Please stay close to your precious family, leaving them little signs, along with your love, peace and strength.

Love and Blessings Denise mum to James. http://james-kneale.memory-of.com xxx

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