Gemma--should I say it??---A GEM!! Even apart, she sparkles in our mind! More brilliant than all other jewels combined! Making all the rest of life go dull and dim! After her,none to follow this ONE OF A KIND!
Well here i am counting down the days to 1st December.. a day i dread yet can never let pass without doing something special.. we are all travelling to New York once again, a place you loved and we feel being out of England away from home is the only way we can survive without hurting so much.. of course on the day the tears will fall as usual and we will send our pink balloons with our messages to you once again.. we travelled to New York for the 1st year anniversary and i know being there again for this the 3rd year without you is so right for us..
your Dad does'nt visit this website very often he finds it too upsetting.. i have to accept his feelings and we always look to Dad to be the one who never falters.. never lets his guard down..yet last year November being the month of his birthday he had a dreadful time.. your sisters were so upset as Dad had a day where he cried so much.. something i have only seen once in all the years we have been together.. and that was the day after you died.. when he went to collect your death certificate and was told he could'nt as you had to have a post mortem... he was inconsolable then just as he was last year... Dad would always do anything for you children he was the soft touch.. and with you Gem you had so much in common cars.. computers ..camera's anything that was a gadget... Dad is still like this and i know he misses you so much as we all do..
he never says much and i have to accept this is his way of coping.. so flying to New York on his actual birthday 26th i know will be a help as this day is always a stark reminder for him especially of the last time we were all together in 2004..
we have pictures and our memories etched in our minds and our hearts forever yet it can and never will be enough.. the frustration of not being able to do anything for you is immense Gem.. i mean being able to make things right as in the past we always could as parents.. whenever you were upset or had a problem be it emotional or even money.. Dad and I could always help and make things right.. all we ever wanted was to give all you children a happy childhood in preparation for adult life.. never dreaming that YOU! would be taken from us.. we will never get used to this life Gem without you but making plans for the future is the only way to survive now.. whilst I am alive Gem you will always be remembered and NEVER forgotten... i look at how many of your friends visit this site... and really none of them do now.. even our extended family only visit now and again yet for us every day you are in our minds and missed so much and the candles we light on this website are a reflection of that... it's so sad that life moves on for everyone else and as much as i have to accept this it does'nt stop it hurting...
thinking back to your funeral the many many people that came not only your friends but also mine and now hardly any of them keep in touch let alone visit this website.. yet us your family will always do everything to keep your memory alive...
as always Gem we will always be here for each other me your Dad sisters brother nieces and nephew will never ever forget such a beautiful special daughter /sister /auntie with the infectious little giggle and the prettiest smile ever...
LIFE --------------S O Fragile LOSS............................S O Sudden HEART..........................S O Broken Gemma is so missed ! In the wake of Gemma's loss we're haunted by things we don't and may never understand. The solace we seek may not come from usual sources.
Many have danced the dance called LIFE but none can tell of beyond the grave. Here we can assuredly use our faith that tells of One who took care f our doubts and fears. Jesus made a way for us and Gemma to transcend that grave to live again...
Well that's 2 more birthdays over for aqnother year Natalie's 30th and Scott's 15th.. never thought you would never be here to celebrate with us all... still finding it so hard here without you.. have been so busy with the plans for the birthdays that's what keeps us going Gem... i can't ever see a time when i don't have something to plan for.. yet as much as this keeps us busy on the actual days with Natalie being 30 she was so sad all for missing you her baby sister... this is how it always is now people outside our family think we are coping so well with life and as much as we do there are always times when it hits home that your never going to be here ever again... even our family meal can never be the same when we are all seated around the table there is always that empty chair always will be... we carry on as best as we can as we have the support and love of each other.. yet still this is never enough.. we want our old life back!!! Jessica and Emma will always remember you yet little Daniel can never know his beautiful auntie who i know would love him as much as we all do.. of course we wil always tell him about you and i know Natalie does even now.. but he will never see that pretty smile... hear you giggle and you will neverbe able to give him that great big cuddle i know that you would... not a day goes by Gem that i don't think of you and miss you i will always have this big hole in my heart that only you can fill so i have to resign myself that this is how it will always be... 3 years on and still nothing has changed only the reality that your gone forever although i will never accept a reason why...
so as much as we still celebrate birthdays and special family times you are always first and foremost in my heart and in my mind.. I love you as much as i ever have Gem just wish i could hug you and tell you to your face...
Compelling thought / Nancy McCarty
Today in my writings someone wrote a simply astounding thought for me..... He writes , and I quote: "I choose to believe that LIFE is good, so what's NEXT is perfect!"Close
DEAR SCOTT HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY LOTS OF LOVE N KISSES YOUR SISTER GEMMA XXXClose
Thinking of you tonight.x / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
Thinking of you tonight.x / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Dear Gemma,
Im sitting here tonight,running my bath and about to settle down for a chilled out evening infront of the tv..when i thought of you.
It upsets me that everything is still going without you Gem. New songs are coming on the radio,people still live their normal lives,the seasons change..the years change..and still you have not changed.
And the fact that you have gone has not changed. Your sister has had a wonderful little boy and yet you are not here to see it. A few things have happened recently-and it made me think of you and how unfair life can be to people sometimes. I mean look at you-your life just stopped at 20! And the lives of your family changed forever..and theres nothing any of us can do about it.
I cant accept that such horrible things happen to such good people. alright none of us are perfect but-most of us go to work everyday and try our best to be helpful,kind law abiding citizens. And then life delivers these awful blows..and for what? WHY?
You didnt deserve this. And ill always hold a bitterness in my heart Gemma because you lost your life. And i know that you would have had such a happy one if only you had the chance that day to stay. Im so sorry that you had to go.and please know that i will always hold you in my heart no matter how many months or years go by.And youll always be the fresh faced pretty Gemma the we all love and miss.
We Will All Remember You.x / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
We Will All Remember You.x / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Hi Gemma,
I wanted to come and write to you as i havent since before my holiday. I can't believe how time has passed so quickly since you've gone. It'll be your 3 year anniversary this year! So much has happened in this time but,im sure as i can be in my heart that you have been watching from where ever you are.
It saddens me at how frustrated amongst everything else your family must feel. when they have been able to speak to you whenever they had wanted for so many years. There must be times when they so desperately want you there..like this weekend for instance. Natalies special birthday the big 30!
I have been busy making things for the party as i know Natalie and Marie have too. You have such a wonderful loving family Gemma i'll never understand why you had to be taken from them.
This weekend will be no different to anyother-though you can't be there we will all remember you.
so long... / Mum Dear Gem I'm sitting here and the tears keep coming... it's just so long since i saw you... so long since i spoke with you... just too bloody long living without you!! this pain surfaces when i least expect it and today is no different.. the frustration i feel in knowing you will never ever again be in my life just tears me apart... some say i am strong and as much as i wear a mask i am only human after all!! and my feelings for you will never change.. seems that life has so many challenges yet i seem to have coped with most yet losing you my precious child is something i could never have imagined happening in my life.. i live my life always asking the same question why?? why me??? mhy my daughter?? why could'nt it have been Anthony Burns that died?? he was in charge of that car so why if there is a god sis he let him survive yet cause such terrible injuries to you?? nearing 3 years since that day Gem and i still have these questions going round and round in my head.. 3 years on and nothing changes.. yet why i say this i don't know cos all i want is life as it was with you here... something that will never ever happen... the seasons change Gem and i find this so hard.. cos it mean's nearing the winter and christmas time a time of year you loved and the time of year you died... we are having a party for Natalie's 30th Birthday Saturday another family time when you will be missed so much.. the girls were going through all the music the weekend and i knew you would have been right there with them even now seeing only 2 girls instead of 3 still hurts... i can't seem to get used to it yet why should I??? cos i will always miss you Gem and always want you here... until the day my life ends whenever that is... maybe that will be the only time i will ever find any peace.. forever loving you and missing you my darling sweet daughter
hi gem / Emma Moon (friend) Hi GEM, JUST GOT DOWN TO LONDON TODAY SO I THOUGH ID BETTER LET YOU KNOW IM STILL THINKING OF YOU.MUMS DONE A LOVELY JOB OF YOUR GARDEN ITS REALLY PRETTY ,JUST LIKE YOU.WELL WHAT A HECTIC WEEK THE BABY IS DUE ANY DAY NOW SO IVE HAD TO COME DOWN HERE AS I DIDNT FANCY GIVING BIRTH UP THERE WITH NO FAMILY AROUND,MY LITTLE BROTHER MICHAEL GOT BEAT UP NOT LAST NIGHJT THE NIGHT BEFORE DOWN THE MOUNT BY A GROUP OF KIDS IN BALACLAVAS HIS OK JUST BRUISED LUCKILY THEY ARE LEAVING CHINGFORD ON THE 11TH TO MOVE TO STANSTED BUT I SUPPOSE YOU GET THESE IDIOTS EVERYWHERE YOU GO NOW.WE ARE GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS OVER TO YOUR TREE TODAY IF THE WEATHERS NICE AND THEY BEHAVE THEMSELVES.I WANT TO TRY AND MEET UP WITH YOUR MUM SOON WEVE WRITTEN SO MANY TIMES NOW IT WOULD BE NICE TO TALK FACE TO FACE AND GIVE HER A BIG CUDDLE TO LET HER NO HOW MUCH WE THINK OF HER,SHE REALLY LOVES GEM,WE ALL DO ILL EMAIL YOU IN A COUPLE OF DAYS OK COS NOW YOUVE GOT ME CRYING AGAIN LOVE YOU EMMA XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXClose
Gemma/ Jane Peterson (Canadian Friend )
Sweet Gemma,not enough words can we say about you but your in everyone's memory. Backstreet Boy's new Cd to be released in Oct., minus Kevin but he is searching his own music path. The singer Mika is so popular here in Canada you'd probably think he was a hottie, lol I sure do. Your nephew is so cute,your neices have grown as has Scott, your garden is awesome. I know your watching over your Family and will be in their hearts forever,God Bless you Gemma, regards,Jane Close
the last holiday / Mum Dear Gem Have been thinking of all the last times in 2004...and today 20th August was the date you returned from Turkey with Alan.. little did we know this would be your last holiday ever!! it's so hard to comprehend today 2007 that 3 years ago returning from yet another holiday that your life was to end so abruptly only 3 months later.. I met Alan a couple of weeks ago and he was saying how he were going to Reading Festival again this year and this weekend being a bank holiday is the festival weekend.. i remember so well you and your friend Sarah getting everything together for your trip your tent plenty of wet wipes,, and even your welly boots!! as usual it was pouring with rain....you was full of it on your return how brilliant it was seeing so many live bands... i miss talking with you Gem about music i miss talking with you about so many things... knowing all your friends are once again going this year makes me feel so sad that you will never be going anywhere on this earth ever again... so where the hell are you Gem? when people say you are in a better place i find it so hard to imagine anywhere other than here this earth... everything else is all heresay... a figment of imagination cos noone can prove otherwise... i really wish i understood death! when life on earth ends is that it?? end of?? still having issues with where you are if anywhere... all i know is i miss you more as time passes i would love to feel contentment in life Gem yet since the day you passed i always have this feeling that something is missing.. and to this day i still have this feeling.. i long to feel totally settled yet nearing 3 years since your death i am so unsettled in my life.. i thought moving house would make a difference but it has'nt.. maybe i have to be resigned to feeling this way forever although i really don't like it.. love you always and forever i will always remember significant times in your life all the lasts.... losing you Gem really does hurt and always will.. i never stop loving you xx
so glad your last holiday was with Alan you both look so happy and in love
days like today!!! / Natalie Ling (sisterxx)Read >>
days like today!!! / Natalie Ling (sisterxx)
dear gemma
i know its been a awful long time since i last wrote to u, but dont mean to say i dont think of u because i do all the time ur never out of my thoughts.... today like all family events is a happy but sad time as families are all together but gemma ur not with us and that is so sad something i will never except that u were taken so young with so much life ahead of you... its not fair gemma. today must be a hard day for marie also as this excat day last year it was her wedding day a day she was excited about we all were for her a sadness felt as u were not there. its so sad that today will bring back all the thoughts for her as when it was her wedding, i know she is happy for ian and kathy but it must be so hard for her, not only was her wedding day but sad for all of us that ur never with us anymore i know in my mind and heart u always will be and if ever i get married one day u sure will be remembered!!! daniel is getting so big now gemma so cheeky as well i knowu wd love him as much as he would love his special auntie, he is very very close to his nanny which i think is lovely he also gets excited when he sees his grandad uncle scott untie marie and his cousins jessica and emma just wish u was here to see him, i know deep down u are watching over him for me i know u r i always ask you to and am sure he has seen you, i hope he has i always talk to him about you and tell him his anutie gemma is so special as she watches over him for his mummy.. we both love u so much gemma and i know one day we will all be together again.
stay close to us all today specially marie as must be so hard for her i really do feel for her and i hope u like the pink bows we will be wearing for you today sis never forget u ur to special...
i love u sis so much
love u always sisters forever love nataliexxx Close
Always remembering xxx / Marie (Sister)
hello there sis,
i miss u terribly is all i seem to say but it is so very true. i remember writing to u this time last year as it was my "wedding day" can u really believe how much has happened in the last year, im struggling to understand it all gem, and i no u would probably tell me not to waste my time thinkin of it but its hard especially on days like today. we your family will be wearing little pink bows in your memory gem, we will always include you even if nobody else does. ur still my sister and always will be so why shouldnt you be included.
i no i will always carry u in my heart and in my memorys, but gem its not enough.
You'll Be Dearly Missed Tomorrow Gemma.x / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
You'll Be Dearly Missed Tomorrow Gemma.x / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Hi Gem,
I have just lit a few candles for you but,i felt i wanted to send you a longer message. As you know tomorrow is our cousin Ians wedding day. Although i am realy happy for him-i just know i will feel a twinge of sadness when i see Natalie and Marie together all dressed up in their pretty new dresses. Because you should be there with them.sisters together
Family events are lovely.To be with everyone all together..but,now that you are gone i don't feel they will ever be as good. Because there will always be a space missing Gem-that only you can fill.
I just want you to know that you'll be in my thoughts all day.Especially when we are in the church. I know ill think of you..and imagine that one day i would have seen you get married to someone you love.
I'm so sorry that you cant be there with us in person. I will never accept that a life so young had to be taken,from you and from your family that couldnt love you anymore than they do.
Justice in Sth Aussie / Julie McIntyre (Visitor who knows )Read >>
Justice in Sth Aussie / Julie McIntyre (Visitor who knows )
Dear Shirley
I lost my son Lee on the 26th November 04 to a remorsless driver who was charged with driving without due care. Your case and the justice system seems very similar to ours except that the coward who killed Lee never even had to appear in court. The law has since been changed when a few politicians could see the injustice we received. I have some comfort knowing that something good came from Lee's death even if it is for others. I still have nightmares of the killer as I have never seen his face. But hopefully the anger will improve with more time. If one day he shows his face I may then take his name from Lee's site. I admit I use his site to write my feelings, it helps and at this stage I still dont care what other think.
There is no doubt a part of me died the night Lee was killed. Our hopes our dreams our future with Lee. There is a new me now, I have found a way to cope and although it is not how I want to live my life, it is the best I can do.
You probably can relate to what I am saying as there is no greater grief than losing a child. We are the same and from what I read on Gemmas site you have similar thoughts to me.
I wish you as much happiness to you and your family as is possible, life can be a daily struggle. Gemma like my Lee were Gods special people and have touched so many in all different ways. They both have beautiful eyes.
Family Events.. / Mum Hi Gem As Marie has told you we are all going to a family Wedding Saturday of your cousin Ian... family times are always so very hard for us now although i think some family members feel we are "ok" yet as much as we do every day things it does not hide the fact that when our family is all together that is the time we really want you here..
in my heart of hearts i feel so empty inside that there is always something missing and no amount of time will ever change this... I know that Madelyn understands because she too is living the same life... and i know i should'nt think this but i can't help my thoughts and feelings..
i feel when we are invited anywhere as a family that you are forgotten.. just because your not here does'nt mean your name should'nt be mentioned! when Marie had her "Wedding" last year we had a beautiful memorial candle in honour of you and just for that particular moment when it was lit it was YOUR time! and i would like to have been asked for this to be taken to your cousin's service.. yet it has never been mentioned... i know this is Ian and his Fiancee's day and they are busy with thoughts of their life ahead something you no longer have.... yet i just wish as a family they would think of family that cannot physically see him Married... although Ian did not make it to your sisters Wedding last year as he had a last minute holiday! yet we will all be there for his special day ...
this candle is not just only for our family but would be nice if it were used for the extended family ..
maybe i am selfish yet i know if you were still here your name would have been included on the invitation list so these feelings i have are justified as others need to understand that you may physically not be here.. yet you will always be a family member and you should be included in these events...
although we will be at the Church Saturday i know as far as the service itself goes my thoughts will be only of you and always will Gem...
Don't ever think you are forgotten cos as long as i am alive you will always be spoken about and remembered...
I hope it's as beautiful where you are as it is today.xxx / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
I hope it's as beautiful where you are as it is today.xxx / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Good morning Gemma,
Firstly i would like to say that i hope where you are it is always as beautifully sunny as it is today.
I went upto your Mums house Saturday. Your dad cooked a lovely BBQ-and Natalie made chicken kebabs it was yummy! And the weather was gorgeous. Your garden is looking so pretty now-i can't believe how much it has grown! and you have 3 beautiful memorial stones they are so pretty and girly. I know you would love them.
Me,Natalie and Daniel stayed at Maries which was nice. She's going through such a tough time at the moment-these are times when families pull together. It's so sad that you cannot be here in person to give her a big hug and say something funny to make her smile.
I just know though in my heart that you will definately be there with her in your own way.
And we have the wedding on Saturday-Natalie and Marie helped me to pick out a dress. It was lovely to have a womans opinion! I picked out a floaty pink/peachy dress with silver threads running all the way through it. I hope you think it's pretty too.
Another family event where you will be missing. It will never be the same knowing that you are missing. I miss seeing you when i walk into your mums house and giggling about silly little things together.
But most of all i hate it that you have missed out on a whole life-time Gem. It makes me so angry-and now your family are sentenced to a lifetime of missing you.
I hope you liked the little scrap book i made for your Mum. I wanted to let you know realy that i remember you always but most of all in the summer time. I chose the pictures i did because you looked so very happy in the sun and on holiday.
I know its silly but thats where i like to think you are. The very last picture of you relaxing on the sun lounger with your sunglasses on,a huge smile and waving thats my very favourite. Because it's like you're looking right at me saying hello-its like youre still living.
your memorial tree.... / Mum Gem We visited your tree Thursday Marie Natalie baby daniel and Scott ..as we had been on holiday it is over a week since i had visited.. i do like to make sure the flowers are still looking there best.. it was so nice to see the little note left for you from your dear friend Beccy... she says how she sits on the bench next to the tree telling baby Charlie about you.. how sweet is that... and it does make a difference to me knowing who has visited..
We sat baby Daniel up in his buggy so he could see the tree i know as he gets older Natalie will always tell him about you...i look at your sisters who both now have children of their own and will always wish that i could have seen you eventually with a child of your own.. i have been robbed of so much Gem when your life was taken i will never get used to this life no matter how many years pass...just lately the need to have you here is greater than ever.. whenever one of you has a problem we all rally round.. this is when you are missed more than ever...
no matter how much time passes Gem there will always be such a big void in my heart... love you always and forever mum xClose
Tributes and Condolences
Add to favorites 
