SENDING LOTS OF LOVE / ROSE GRMA TO ANGEL BRITTANY SYFERT Read >>
SENDING LOTS OF LOVE / ROSE GRMA TO ANGEL BRITTANY SYFERT
PRECIOUS GEMMA, LETTING THE SPECIAL PEOPLE IN OUR LIVES KNOW HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO US. YOU;RE THOUGHT OF WITH WARMTH AND CARING, NOT JUST ON SPECIAL DAY LIKE THIS, BUT ALWAYS. SENDING LOVE TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. GOD BLESS.
You Will Always Be In My Heart xxx / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
You Will Always Be In My Heart xxx / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Dearest Gemma,
It's February already and your birthday is slowly getting nearer. It would have been your 24th. I remember your first birthday that you wasnt here-your 21st. That was a horrible day,of course every birthday of yours will be a sad one but,i think that one was even worse because it was the first and such a special age. I kept thinking back to the last time we saw eachother-we was talking about what i had planned for my 21st..and i teased you at how you'd feel as old as i did when you had your turn! Little did we know that your turn would never come around.
I still have the blue balloon weight from the balloon i sent to you on that day,its in my car. Its all i have of you now to hold onto. All the fond memories of us together. Ive got a box of bits ive kept over the years,little notes we used to send eachother and letters,the invitation you sent me to go to the 'quazer zone'!! I've always been the type to keep momentoes and im so thankful for that now. It means that i have something solid to hold onto,for the times when i miss you the most.
Most of the time,is doesnt register that you're gone,and the feeling that i'll see you soon is always present. But other times it seems like youve been gone so long that i wander if i imagined you! I know that sounds crazy but,at those times i like to look inside that special box. Because when i hold those little memories in my hand i come back to reality and remember everything all over again.
I know you wasnt my sibling but,your death has moved me in a way i cant explain. I just feel so deeply sad for you Gemma that you are missing out so much. I feel this even more that i am having a baby of my own. Already i love her with all of my heart,and i know that i would do anything to make her happy. I understand when people say that things are so different with your own children,because i imagine her when shes born and its like i can feel those feelings eventhough she isnt here yet.
I am planning my baby shower at the moment and i wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts. I know you would have come along with your sisters and your mum. I think im going to have your picture there,its the only way i can think of to be able to include you on such a special day for me.
You will always be in my mind,and in my heart no matter how much time passes.
I will never get used to writing to you here on a website.. lately i have been thinking so much of how you would be today.. with your birthday next month knowing you would be 24 i know by Scott and your sisters how they have changed in this time just as i know i have our lives have chamged so much Gem in this short time i often wonder if you had not died would we still be living in Chingford? would we have travelled to New York? would you still be living at home? working for Hello Holidays?would you still be with Alan? so much i will never ever know that is what hurts Gem everything from now on i can only try and imagine what your life would be like now, as much as moving to Suffolk has been such a positive move i would change everything if only we could have you back here Gem I will always wish for this...
I know that friends and relatives look at us and think we are getting on with life ok living without you yet they can never ever know what life is like for me living without my youngest daughter.. the everyday occurences in life with you have now gone forever, it is such an enormous loss that cannot really be explained.. you had so much more to live for Gem you always worked so hard and for what just for your life to end in such a terrible tragic way... i will never understand this.. each and every day Gem you are always in my thoughts there may be a song that reminds me of you, can be anything Gem yet there is not one day that i have not thought of you and i miss you as much as i ever did yet it is so hard for others to understand..the pain inside is always there Gem just i get used to it now although with christmas and soon your birthday that is when the pain surfaces just like in the early days..
Daniel will be one year old 2nd february Gem our birthday month, this year has flown by and i have been thinking back to the day he was born, Marie and I were with Natalie the whole time she had such a terrible Labour Gem yet when Daniel finally arrived it made all the pain and suffering she experienced worth it.. seeing Daniel come into this world is an experience etched in my mind forever i was the first to hold him as the Doctors had to take care of Natalie which took over an hour.. i remember looking into his little face as he stared into my eyes wondering as Natalie had always said that you had met him already i know she really believes this and i really want to think this is how it is...maybe you did know Daniel before we did? yet it got me thinking that this beautiful experience of childbirth i can never experience with you.. I am so sad Gem i will never get to see your children, i know they would be as beautiful as you yet all this taken away from me forever something i will never accept was meant to be.. i will never accept you had to die the same as to this day i have not accepted you are gone forever...
I love you Gem so much and know i always will time may pass by yet love lives on forever.. we will make Daniel's 1st birthday such a special one Gem he has made such a difference in all our lives i just wish you were still here to enjoy the love he has given to all of us the love we all have for each other.. and still have for you Natalie tells Daniel all about you and he will always know what a loving auntie he has...we will never stop talking about you Gem your name will always be spoken as i always say so long as i live and breathe you will never be forgotten..
Just got some really nice pictures from Caroline.. our good friends when we lived in Chingford..they gave a party for Sarah-Jane who turned 18 this week!!
I remember so clearly the time you and Alan helped her with her homework.. this was the kind of girl you were..
i can still remember Sarah as the tiny little girl of 10 years old and now so quickly she has become a beautiful young woman..
I really miss Caroline and the family as living across the road from us in Chingford we would always see each other and take for granted our regular chats.... yet now they are living in Ireland and we are in Haverhill we don't get to see each other as much yet i will never forget the kindness of their friendship when you died Gem... it was Caroline and Adrian who volunteered to help us out with your funeral expenses!! we felt that was such a touching gesture.. we were dealing with the disbelief and enormity of your death not even thinking of planning a funeral and what that entailed..
such kindness and friendship is hard to find and i will always be so eternally grateful to them both and their friendship.. of course we e-mail and talk on the telephone and next month we are flying over for the day to spend some time with them..
Time for you sweetheart tragically ended that day in December 2004 at the young age of 20.. knowing Sarah-Jane is 18 and soon young Adrian will be 16 really hits home that life is moving on so quickly and there is nothing that can change that..
As you knew Sarah-Jane so well i thought it would be nice to have a picture of the family here on your website... Love you always and forever Gem x Sarah-Jane.. Caroline.. Adrian..Adrian Jnr
It's been so long since i have written here yet it's only cos the site has been so hard to access.. I am hoping that now they have started to upgrade there servers that adding messages and pictures will be easy to do.. I did create another memorial to you yet here i have written so much of my feelings throughout these 3 years that can never be replaced.. I want this site to be a piece of history for family members of the future to search your name and discover the loss and heartbreak that only a mother father sister and brother could ever relate to.. i say time and time again Gem how as long as i am alive you will never ever be forgotten only last night Dad and I went out to dinner to Dad's Company Christmas meal.. we really don't go out that much together not just Dad and I and just before we left a song that reminded us so much of you was played on the radio.. "wind beneath my wings" it took me straight back to the day of your funeral always does.. and i really felt like saying i can't be bothered to go.. justwas'nt in the mood.. yet we did go and infact it was quite an enjoyable evening i got to talk with a colleague of Dad's wife and we wseemed to click instantly she even came form London infact she was born in Walthamstow!! so we were kind of chatting about moving to Haverhill and the reasons why we moved.. well that was it the whole evening was then taken with what happened to you and how it has affected us as a families lives.. tallking to a stranger who had also lost someone close knowing they kind of understand and can relate to us.. it's strange that you can go to a place get talking with strangers and have so much in common.. maybe these things are mean't to happen i still have so much doubt Gem.. i will still always daydream of what life would be like for us and you if you were still here.. and i will still question why so many other people go through life with everything handed to them on a plate!! whatever we as a family want to do we always struggle to get what we want.. i will never understand Gem.. you always worked so hard never even taking a day off when you were really ill or if you did you would beback to work before the end of the week!! that's just how we as a family live.. we don't take nothing for granted as i have said to you and still say to your sisters now if you want anything in life you always have to work for it! you don't get anything for nothing!and to this day i stand by this quote.. but i will never ever get used to you not being here in my every day life Gem.. only you will ever know how i truly feel Gem as i am so good at acting!! wearing a permanent mask!! it must be such a good disguise as so many say to me "you cope so well i would'nt cope with such a loss!!" to this day i still feel this knot inside and always will.. that's what grief does to you permanent scars that will never heal..
Love and miss you always and forever my darling Gemma xxClose
My Memories Of You Will Never Fade... / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
My Memories Of You Will Never Fade... / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Dearest Gemma,
Not a week goes by when you don't enter my thoughts. Since you died i've always had a couple of your pictures around. One of you and me together as teenagers,and the other is your memorial card which along with some of your ashes always take pride of place in my bedroom.
It's hard to believe that 3 years have gone by and still you're missing. I still don't accept that you'll never come back-because it just all feels so wrong. You was supposed to have a long life,well into your 20s,30's and beyond. The fact that your life got cut short at 20 is hard to take and a total tragedy.
I sit and i think to myself what a waste of a life!!! It realy angers me that you will miss out on so much. I think about this even more now that i am expecting my own child. I know you must know this already,as i have to believe that you can see us somehow from where you are.
I'm having a little girl Gem,and i can't explain how happy i am. I wonder if you would have had a little baby of your own by now? What would you look like pregnant? I imagine coming to visit you in hospital with a tiny little bundle beside you all wrapped up-just as i saw Natalie last year.
You should have had a chance to experience that. I remember a conversation we had once about our kids playing together oneday. We all take for granted that we will be around forever,just as we did then.
I'm just so sorry that all of that has been snatched away from you,and your family...
Oneday i'll tell my daughter about you,and show her your picture on the mantle peice. And if she grows to lead a life as happy and carefree as yours was then i know i would have done a good job.
Please know that you will always be in my heart and my memories of us will stay just as clear as they are now. Because you will always be around in my thoughts forever.
Not long now till Your 3rd Anniversary.xxx / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
Not long now till Your 3rd Anniversary.xxx / Sarah Cleminson (cousin) Dearest Gemma,
I never thought that i would end up having to write to you on the computer...well not on a Memorial site. As beautiful as it is-it's a far cry from how things should be for you and your family and all of your friends. The end of the year should be an exciting time,getting ready for Christmas and New Years celebrations..buying presents and a new outfit. It should be a time where the only worry you have is how you're going to fit all of those parties in!
Yet the end of the year now signifies something so very different from that. Because its the time of the year that this family lost you-and you lost your chance of a long and happy life. And the last time i saw you lying there in hospital..lifeless and so still. I was talking to you but,i think i knew you wasn't realy there. It's not the way i ever would want to remember someone but,especially someone as young and vibrant as you.
The kind of life you lead is the kind that i have always wanted for myself...one filled to the brim with friends,fun and nights out. But i dont feel envious... im just so very glad that you got to have that for the short time that you was here. You have a wonderful family too that couldnt love you anymore. Yet its for those very reasons that i'll never understand why it was you that had to die that night-when you had so much to live for.
I'll never accept that. And as much as ill always carry with me fond memories of you-there will also always be a terrible sadness inside of me. For you was robbed of so many years,and chances,and good times.
I dont know who it is that decides when its our turn to go but,i know that i'll never forgive them for taking you so long before your time.
So please know Gemma that my thoughts will be with you on Saturday your 3rd Anniversary in Heaven.
I'll never ever forget you. all of my love, your cousin, Sarah.xxx Close
Well once again we are nearing the 3rd year without you.. time has passed so quickly yet seems only yesterday that our life was “normal”.. no amount of time will ever give me the life I long for when all my children were here with me.. so all I can do is make plans.. always got to plan.. we booked our flights to NYC back in January so this year we have had that to aim toward.. and tomorrow when we fly out it will not be such a sad birthday for Dad as he will be busy getting ready to leave to think too much.. I know last year was so bad for him that is why he does’nt like the reminder of his birthday coming round once again as it is always such a poignant reminder of the last time we were all together as a family for his birthday 3 years ago.. knowing now that would be the last time he ever spoke to you… if any of us had known the future we would have said so much to you Gem told you time and time again how much you mean to us and how much we love you.. as parents Dad and I will never stop living in the past.. our memories of you from the day you were born are in our minds forever knowing we have no future memories of you really is so hard for us.. we look at your siblings Natalie always the party girl is now settled as a mummy to little Daniel.. Marie although married last year is once again a lone parent as Simon decided he loved the Army more than her.. yet as Marie says nothing can ever be as bad as what happened to you Gem anything in life can be changed so she just picked herself up and got on with it.. as we all have to do we can all sit here depressed day after day yet that will never change anything and YOU Gem you were always such a happy girl who at times felt down with issues in life yet like Marie you would pick yourself up and get on with it.. this is how we all deal with the loss of you in our daily life Gem as nothing can ever change what has happened to you although at times the frustration overwhelms me.. all we can do is pick ourselves up until the next time… I know to some as a family we look like we are the picture of happiness and as much as that is true to an extent there is always this emptiness and that is you Gem nothing or anyone can ever fill this place..all you children are unique you all have your own individual qualities yet one thing you all have is the fighting spirit to carry on.. for Natalie she has Daniel to live for and Marie has Jessica and Emma and me and Dad well.. we have our memories nothing can ever take those away from us although I will always wish for so many more.. your brother Scott is so like you Gem,, he was only 12 years old and still a child yet now he is 15 and really is maturing sometimes his ambitions and his love of travelling remind me so much of you Gem I can remember how at 15 you were always looking toward the future.. so you see Gem in only 3 years so much has happened in all our lives not always good yet we strive to carry on.. as that’s all we can do..
Going to NYC the place you visited with Alan 2003 is our tribute to you Gem our wonderful daughter and sister we will always include you in everything we do and we will visit Central Park and send our balloons and messages to you in Strawberry Fields at the John Lennon Imagine Memorial like we did 2005.. on Saturday December 1st at 10.32am (NYC time) 3.32pm UK time…
We visited the tree Saturday 24th to leave our Balloons and tributes for you.. your dear friend Beccy came too an left a message for you she misses you so much.. I have got to know her so much and seen her mature into the good little mum that she is to baby Charlie just wish Gem that you were here with us we always will..
Your loved and remembered in everything we do sweetheart and always will be.
why did you have to go!! / Natalie Ling (sister)Read >>
why did you have to go!! / Natalie Ling (sister) hi gemma,
Thought its about time i came and wrote to you, i always lite a candle for you so cme and say hello, i know you know i talk to you well i hope you do and was that really you the other week sitting there gem i believe it was. i really do miss you sis so much has changed in 3 years i have a baby now i cant believe me a mummy i wonder if you would have been now so unfair all these speical things taken away for you, daniel is growing up so fast gem i really do beleive u have seen him just wish like us in person you could give him a cuddle and he play with you and get excited at seein you just like he does with everyone else! i miss everyting about you gem ur pretty face smile giggle having conversations with you nearly 3 sad long years since this last happened and the scarey though is so many more to go through without you here so many more changes going to go through us all yet you left us at 20 and will forever be 20 and my speical sis always. life is so different for me now gem not just me to think of my precious daniel who is my world he has really helped me this year gem i was on such a downer last yr maybe it was you who helped me to have him i just dont know but all i know is he gives me a purpose to live i look at him and he makes me so happy but i am tinged with sadness that you can never have this your own child i never knew how much of a bond is with your child so different to every other person you care about but you gem will always be so speical to me i think of you everyday sis i hear songs on radio and think of you and think where r u i had some tears earlier sis for you as i am mising you so very much hard time of year now am glad we are going to new york but sad as it is a speaical place you went to and loved and i think well you should be cming there with us not us going there for you , life is unfair sometimes and its something i will never fully understand that why you were took from us out of every millions of millions of people in the world it was you who was taken i kNow everyone says this but when it happens to someone so very close it makes you think so i will treasue everyday with daniel as you really dont know what is lerking around the corner. anyway sis am waffling now but just want you to know i am always thinking of you and ur never out of my thoughs i will continue to talk to you and think of you for as long as i live please cme visit me in a dream soon havent had for so long gem and i long to see you again soon
so long without you...love you sis xxx / Marie (Sister)Read >>
so long without you...love you sis xxx / Marie (Sister)
My dear sister Gemma,
so much time has passed i cant believe it is almost 3 years since the day that changed our lives forever, i can remember it as if it was yesterday...a day that will always remain so vivid in my mind...a day i wish so much i could change.. id give anything in the world to see you again..nothing else seems to matter, this has been another awful year for me but all of that doesnt really matter or come close to how i feel about never seein you again....i just pick myself n carry on but the day you died gem a part of me died with you, it had to because you are my sister and the fact you are gone has left a huge gap in my life, i can never be fully happy because you are not here to be happy with us, i want to hear you laugh to see you smile to go shoppin with u to drink vodka with u, all these things we can never do together again....is my birthday soon gem as you no but all it makes me think of is the last night we as sisters had together, you with your black hair happy as ever....and who would have thought a week later our lives would be destroyed forever....i feel this month is just a countdown to the day in which you left us, i hate this month gem now, a month as kids we all loved the build up to christmas the excitement...but its just not there any more...and can never be again...we are off to new york soon also and i just wish we was going with you not for you!! i no now why you loved that place its truely amazing..and i can just picture you walking thru central park and shopping in bloomingdales!! watching the videos of us as kids last night just reminded me of what a happy childhood we all had together...and i am so glad i have all these memories of us...but i just wish i could add to them and i wish with all my heart that you could come back to us...id give up everything i have to see you again...rememeberence sunday tomorrow will watch scott in his parade but my thoughts will be of you gem... i miss you gem so very much and will love you more each day i will never forget you and i no we will be together again one day!
lots of love always and forever your sister Marie xxxxxxxx Close
nearing 3 years... / Mum Sweet Gemma. the more time that passes the more i miss you.. whoever said time heals is so WRONG!! so very wrong... I don't care what anyone says only other parents living without their child really understand..i can't ever see a time when i will stop thinking of you and missing you even more... we had all the video memories of you Gem put onto dvd and watching it has been so hard especially the slides of you as a new born baby.. that really hit hard... the happiness we had when you entered this world only to have total sadness and heartache in seeing you lifeless that day 1st December 2004...this will forever be etched in my mind i can never forget those dark days....nothing i ever do in life from that day on can ever take these terrible times away.. i think of you each and every second of every day and at every given opportunity i will forever speak your name... this is life for me now Gem i can't stand for you to be forgotten and you never will as long as i am alive...this time of year i hate now.. Christmas is a time i hate although we have to make an effort for Jessica Emma and now little Daniel.. yet as much as we celebrate you are always missed and always will be... we are again travelling to New York yet we should'nt be going without you yet that is the only reason we do go now! ironic that we make the effort to travel this faraway place because you are no longer here.... if every one has lessons to learn in life what the hell do i have to learn from losing part of me?? a part i love and still love so much..
i will never get my head around this all i do know is that nothing or noone can ever give me this total fulfilment... so even going to New York a wonderful place to be at Christmas time and as much as we are all going together you will always be missed the elationship i had with you Gem will always be so special to me.. yet sad that i will never see you grow older never get to know your children.. never get to do all the things mums and daughters continue to do.. so much is and always will be missing from my life and all because you chose to go out with Anthony Burns that fateful day and night... i often think of him does he suffer every day as i do??does he even think of you and how his actions that night ended your life???has he taken another life since 2004?? i hope so much that he has'nt put another family through this terrible misery... why is it the culprits of these actions always escape unharmed?? they go on to LIVE LIFE!!! i will never understand ...
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