Hardly got over last week and our birthdays.. now tomorrow i have Mother's day.. I will once again put out the two plaques i have.. the last two gifts you bought me..I will never stop missing you Gem more so at these times.. times i know you would have given me another gift to treasure...only today made me realise how much life has changed for all of us in these 3 years since you passed.. Scott gave me a beautiful hand tied bouquet of flowers.... he had asked Marie on Monday about it.. he did'nt have to be reminded! this must mean he is growing up! which i know he is and have to expect.. when i think back to 2004 he was such a child 12 years old.. now he is in his 16th year and really maturing not only mentally but also physically.. only today he asked Dad if he could show him how to shave ( he wanted to shave his upper lip) apparently at Cadets a Sergeant had commented that he should get rid of it as it is really noticeable.. can't believe Scott is becoming an Adult.. i noticed only last week when he was in conversation with Alan whilst we were at the tree that he was'nt the child he was in 2004 ...the child you knew.. i know you would have had so much in common with him Gem although he isn't into the music like you he is always on the computer msn just like you were.. it's sad you will never get to know the adult brother like Natalie and Marie will and it really brings it home to me how time changes everything for us yet nothing for you.. age 20 is what you were and age 20 you will stay forever... when Scott reaches 20 I am dreading in a way as it should never be possible your brother could ever get older than you.. so much goes around and around in my head Gem i still can't make sense of this life i have now.. my mind always wanders to thoughts of you always wondering what you would look like now. what you would be doing with your life now.. i'm never going to know the answers i always just have to make believe..
Mothers day along with all the other special days are not the same anymore.. and i tire of trying to make others understand that this is how it always will be.. there are those like Uncle Phil who tries so hard to understand yet how can i really expect anyone to understand truly life without you.. as to understand will be to live life without your child and i will never wish that on anyone.. so tomorrow i will once again go through the motions but always reminded that you are missing .. i always will Gem..
I will never forget you Gem you are still loved as much as ever and always will be..
Springtime Makes Me Remember You Too.. / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
Springtime Makes Me Remember You Too.. / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Dearest Gemma,
I'm sure you saw me at your tree last week for your Birthday. As long as i live and breathe i will always make time for you on these occasions. I do it for you of course firstly and also for your Mum,Dad,sisters and Scott. Because i know from conversations in the past with your Mum just how important it is for them to see that we do all remember you. Which we do.
I might pop to see Nan and Grandad later on today-i know they miss you lots too. Nans always in tears for you when she hears a sad song. It must be hard for them both to accept too,that you so young should have to pass away.
I spent a lot of time over the years in Walthamstow,in their old house as did you,and of course us together. We were both so quiet,i remember us sitting on Nans porch step talking,or up in the spare room playing with those two dollies nan had! We would always both try and get to the hard plastic one first because it was more realisitc than the other soft,squidgy one!
Then when they moved to the mobile they're in now,though we were teenagers we would go over the park together or sit in the little spare room and chat and giggle. So many lovely memories.
I wander where the time goes? And think wouldnt is be nice to go back there and see you again...
Springtime always makes me think of you,when i see the pretty daffodils and crocus' all come out in bloom. I bought 2 bunches of daffs the other day and put your picture right next to one of them in the living room. It's nice to look at your picture and see you smiling right back at us. Such a happy soul,you will always be remembered and your memory cherished.
Well thankfully our birthdays are nearly over.. Friday was a day of celebration to you.. i should never have to imagine how you would be age 24... you should be here in my life for me to see the changes in you as the years pass yet since you left all i have are memories and thoughts of how you might be now.. your tree looks so pretty once again Marie made a pretty arrangemet which was tied to your tree lots of pinks.. Uncle Phil and Sarah came with a beautiful bouquet of flowers.. they are so pretty i asked Sarah if she would mind me bringing them home to leave in the little garden we made for you, it makes such lovely colour for me to see in these winter days.. Beccy left some pretty pink flowers and we even took a picture of her little Charlie sitting with them.. he is so cute just like Daniel.. Aunt Yvonne left a red rose for you and Alan with his mum Pat left a pretty pink plant which was planted by the tree.. Nan and Grandad wanted to come but Grandad really is not well and i know they always remember you..
we then went to the Pub as we do each year to celebrate your birthday in some way..i know that no matter how many years pass Gem i will always feel the immense pain i felt Friday and have felt on every b'day.. xmas. mothers day.. any family occasion.. it's so hard to try and explain these feelings.... today being my birthday although sad you are not here i have to say say was not so bad.. having Jess Emma and Daniel makes a difference and i have to put the mask on for them they came with their cards and presents as they always do so how can i be sad when i see their little faces with big smiles... yet i do miss you Gem when opening the cards from your sisters and brother.. i should still have one from you.. i will always miss you so much Gem..
Sarah made a pretty card for you along with cards for me.. she always texts me on these sad times even though things have not been that easy for her..such a caring girl just as you were.. i suppose she gets this from her dad Uncle Phil as he is the one person i can always rely on to be there for me irrelevant of the problems he has going on in his life he always takes time to listen and try to help which is all i can ever hope for... it is and always will be so hard to try and explain what life is like living without you Gem and i know others od not really want to know I can't blame them cos if they truly knew would mean they had lost a child too.. something noone wants to experience..
another year of our birthdays out of the way thanfully until the next occasion..
Your 24th Birthday tomorrow its just unfair that u are not here to celebrate ur birthday like u should be, u have been robbed of living your life and we have been robbed of a very special person in ours, i still find it hard to think that u are gone forever it just seems so unbelievable, death is so final and its something i dont thing will ever accept, mainly because i dont want to. i have made some arrangements for you for your birthday tomo and have bought u something for the garden seems so little tho but what else can we do.....i think of u each and every day gem u will always hold such a special place in my heart...
i hope you know how much we love and miss you and this will be forever....
i love you gem my only wish is that you could come back to us and we could be complete again...
This week is such a hard week for me with our birthdays..yours 22nd and mine 24th.. without you none of these occasions feel the same... knowing how sad i will be Friday on what would be your 24th birthday yet remembering 24 years ago how happy i was to be cradling another beautiful daughter..I still find myself some days believing that you'll come back.. we are in the 4th year now since you left and i still have this heavy heart.. i know that people look at me and think "she must be used to not having Gemma now" yet i want to scream!! "i will never get used to life without you Gem and i don't think i want to" of course time does make a difference it has to yet i will never have anyone tell me it gets easier believe me it does'nt i always have this feeling inside of something missing and i know that something is you.. i always say a piece of me died that day 1st December 2004 and to this day i stand by that remark.. I wish so much for my life to be as it was but it never will be and that is so frustrating... i try to make the best of life now so many changes Gem we have little Daniel.. you would love him i know.. and as much as he brings so much happiness i still feel so sad you never got to hold him and cuddle him like i can.. i will always have so many regrets that i will never get to see you get married see your children.. so much has been robbed from me as well as you.. i was talking to Helen Gareth's mum last night she is suffering so much she misses Gareth so much i can relate so much to her.. it is still so very raw for her being only a couple of minths since he passed.. wespoke so much of you and Gareth along with Alan and how you all loved music so much.. us mothers can never accept that our childen had to die.. it is and always will be the wrong way round.. we bring our children into this world to watch them grow into the beautiful children you and gareth were.. and now you at 20 and Gareth at 24 your lives gone!! gone forever!! as i always say forever is such a long long time.. i still can't think too far into the future.. all i do is make plans.. always planning something.. Friday we will be at the tree to leave our balloons and cards for you.. Alan will be there along with Beccy .. they never forget you Gem...does'nt seem much does it just to visit your tree.. but what else can i do?? i can't give you a present or say "happy birthday" i would love to be able to hug you and say these words.. instead i write here on a website hoping maybe somehow you know how much i miss and love you Gemma... and always will
'She Is Gone' By Willie Nelson / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)Read >>
'She Is Gone' By Willie Nelson / Sarah Cleminson (cousin)
Dearest Gemma,
It's so nearly your Birthday-only a week to go now untill you should have been 24. I was speaking to your Mum just the other day and she said she wonders what you would be like now. I've always wandered this,even in the early days after your death.
I remember in the first few weeks i realy fretted because i wanted to know that you was ok.Then i had that first dream about you in my old house in Stratford. We all knew that you wasnt alive anymore but,you just sat there on my sofa as though you was still here. And i asked you "are you ok Gem?" and you smiled and said "yes!" but,i was so worried i asked you again to make sure..so you repeated "yes Sarah i'm fine realy im ok".
The tone in your voice was so convincing-as though you thought i was realy silly to ever think you would'nt be ok. That dream was such a comfort to me Gemma. I believe that you somehow made it happen for me. And eventhough all of this time later i still am not sure exactly where you are,somehow i do know that you are ok. Because you told me so.
I wanted to write to you to today because im on YouTube listening to a very beautiful song. It's one that my dad plays for you everytime he goes on his piano. I had always heard him play the same tune but,only discovered that its for you recently. I thought i'd come and tell you so. I want you to know that you will never be forgotten by us either. You're close family do such a fantastic job at remembering you in everything they do. But,we too remember you.
But, then if you can realy look over and watch us,then you will know that in your heart already.
The song is called 'she is gone' and its by Willie Nelson..you might laugh as he's this realy old country singer. But,when he sings you can hear the words are truly from deep inside of him. And if you watch him sing this song live,it's like you can see his life and how much he means every line in his eyes. I think thats what they mean by they saying 'the eyes are the window to your soul'.
Just thought i would cme and say hi to you sis, just because i dont write on here often i do lite my candles i always think of you, not a day goes past where i dont ...
i do believe you are around me just things that have happned really seeing you in the tv sometimes i feel someone around me is this you sis? i am so pleased if it is you sometimes i feel acared dont know why just the reality of seeing you in a tv rather than u being with me . i am not scared of you just the thought of what i would see if i did see you again. please come visit me again gem whether in a dream or to me.
I tell little daniel about you all the time he looks at your photos as if he knows you he has a memory card on his window seal to i know you watch him for me i have been told this and i do believe it i ask you to, maybe this is why you do sis thank you for that , he is the most precious thing in my life gem i love him so much and couldnt imagine my life without him now wouldnt want to, hes my little boy and even when he is older he will always be my little boy and i will do everything to protect him always, like our parents do gem mum and dad would do anything for any of us and i am so proud to be there daughter just like you would be, they help me out so much and as you prpbably know me and daniel are moving back home again, i hope you dont mind sharing the room with me again it will help me out so much living bk with mum n dad for a while i know they would do the same for you sis to and marie and scott and i would the same for daniel to .
Me and daniel love you so much sis always will do he will know about you when he can understand i wil make sure of it sis, as you are so speical to me as you will be to him to, just his smile makes my heart melt i know no what the love for a child means i cdn't understand it before but i know now were the most precious things in the whole world.
Its not been a easy time for me over the last few yrs gem but having daniel is the best thing to ever happen to me. now is a new beginning for me new job more money my little daniel and lovely family and one day i hope to meet someone who will look after me and daniel maybe you have it all planned for me sis i dnt know,or your guiding me in the right direction, am sure you helped me get my new job i wore the top you got me for the interview and i have your tiffany bracelet and ring on so i know your close.
just wanted to say sis i love you with all my heart and i hope you get lots of valentines wherever you are and enjoy your 24th birthday next week
THINKING OF YOU FOR VALENTINES DAY / CATHY~~MOM OF DAVID GIRAUD~~~ (VISITOR)Read >>
THINKING OF YOU FOR VALENTINES DAY / CATHY~~MOM OF DAVID GIRAUD~~~ (VISITOR)
MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS TODAY AND ALWAYS SWEET GEMMA~SPECIAL HUGS AND PRAYERS FOR YOUR LOVING FAMILY~GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU~
Thinking of the Ling Family / Jane Peterson (friend)Read >>
Thinking of the Ling Family / Jane Peterson (friend)
Sunday is usually a day of reflection for me. I think of all the loved ones I've lost, be it my Father, my Nanny and many close friends and I include Gemma as a friend I never met yet I feel her "aura" through her web-site and Family. Last Monday took my neice to see the Spice Girls in Toronto,Took her back in 97 to see them(her first concert at age 8) of course Aunt Jane loves to embarrass her and her friend. Next week it's the Backstreet Boys Again lol. I could see Gemma a fan of Fergie's music as Daughtry or even Nickelback or Nelly Fertado. My son Jay lives far away from me and I miss him too, I could never imagine never seeing him again and only living with memories. Please be brave Ling Family and yes Mr. Ling and Scott you must find it sooo hard too, you are both thought of today and God Bless you all and most of all God Bless Gemma for she is all around you. Jane Close
Tributes and Condolences
Add to favorites 
