This is life for me now...  / Mum
This was sent to me by another bereaved mother... I can't believe how true these words are.. Just hope those that read it think!! life does not get easier without you Gemma life is so completely changed just as I am.. I will never get usded to living without my child.. never in a million years.. I miss you so much swetheart xx
"I NOTICED…….MY WORLD HAD CHANGED
By: Sharon Krejci Bereaved Mother St. Louis MO

Prior to becoming a bereaved parent I thought I had a glimpse of what parents who have lost a child go through. I was an emergency room nurse. The sad part of my job was to inform parents that their child had died. After delivering this most devastating news I would sit and cry with the parents. When I would go home at night I would think about the parents and pray for them and thank God my two little boys were safe and that my family was intact.
Four years ago on September 13 1997 I became a bereaved parent when the police informed me that my son Andrew had an auto accident and was dead. My life stopped. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to breathe again without my son let alone survive his deat h. In the days that followed I found out one thing was for sure I didn’t have a glimpse about what happens to a person when their child dies.
As I walk this journey of a bere aved parent ….. I notice my whole world changed. My beliefs aren’t the same. My priorities weren’t the same and my future was changed forever. My whole life was shattered and I didn’t know where to begin to pick up the pieces or if I had the will to pick up the pieces. Everyone around me even though very attentive to me continued functioning in their own lives. I didn’t know where I fit in any more. I was alone … trying to figure out what happened in that split second when they told me Andrew was dead.
I noticed many things about my new world that I didn’t like. I knew then if I was to survive my son’s death things must be changed and it was up to me to change them.
I noticed … . The silence of people not mentioning Andrew’s name or his life was deafening to me. There were no stories about him anymore. It was like out of sight out of mind. I wondered what this world was doing to me. My son lived. He was a part of my life. I had dreams for him. He was my future. I was so frightened that everyone would forget him. I needed to hear other people say my Andrew’s name. I needed to say his name and to tel l stories about him. I could not stand the thought of going through the rest of my life not ever hearing or saying his name again. I knew then that part of my survival was going to=2 0involve keeping the memory of my son alive.
I noticed …. People removed Andrew’s picture and other remembrances of him from their homes thinking it was going to upset me seeing them. I needed to know that he was important to other people. Just because he died it didn’t mean that memories of him couldn’t still exist. As part of my healing I gave framed pictures of Andrew to family and friends to display in their home. This let them know I needed to have him around me.
I noticed …. People would shy away from me run down the other aisle of the grocery store rather than chance running into me. I needed more than ever for people to come up to me and give me a big hug rather than shy away. Depending on how I felt that day I would hunt those people down in that ot her aisle and show them that talking with me was not going to be a painful experience for them and that being a bereaved parent was not contagious.
I noticed …. I struggled with something as simple as not being able to sign a birthday or anniversary card from our family because to do that I would have to leave Andrew’s name off the card. I had signed his name for 23 years and there was no way his name c ould be left off the card. I also knew I needed to continue to write his name or people would forget him. I now sign all cards “With Love and Memories of Andrew.” It’s funny I rarely sent Christmas Cards before Andrew died. Now I make sure that I send cards to everyone I know so I can write his name to keep his memory alive. What’s great is that people sent cards back to me with the same message.
I noticed …. People were uncomfortable about what to say to me so they would avoid mentioning Andrew’s life or death for fear they would remind me of him. They would also feel bad if they thought they would make me cry and then “what would they do with me?” It was easier for them not to say anything. What these people didn’t know is that they don’t remind me of Andrew. I think about Andrew every minute of every day. I will never forget his life or his death. Their mentioning Andrew’s name only made me feel better. A fter experiencing a few of these encounters I knew then I had to make people feel that it was okay to talk about Andrew and that if there were tears that was okay too. I always thanked people for bringing Andrew’s name up and remembering him. If tears came first I would explain that they did not make me cry and I really appreciate them talking to me about Andrew.
I noticed …. When I entered the room at my first bereaved parent meeting I was surprised to find other people in that room smiling some laughing and some making small talk. I thought …boy I am really in the wrong place.& nbsp; It was inconceivable to me that I would ever smile or laugh again. I thought that they must love their child as much as I did. Once the meting began I learned that these parents did love their child as much as I loved Andrew and that maybe I too would someday smile and laugh again. Just maybe…there was a glimmer of hope that I might survive and they would lead the way.
I noticed…. At my meeting I learned a lot about my new world from parents who have walked the path before me. They brought to my attention the situations I may encounter and offered suggestions in how they dealt with the issues. They didn’t theorize grief; they lived it everyday and shared their coping skills with the group. They gave me strength and confidence and validated that I was on the right path in keeping the memory of Andre w alive. They were patient with me. I knew I was in a safe place where people understood me. They wanted to help me get better. They knew something I didn’t know at the time….that I was going to survive.
I noticed …. Some people thought that because my son was 23 years old somehow he wasn’t my child anymore. Even though I was his parent they assumed the grief would not be a s intense as if he were a baby or young child. I’ll never forget a 70 year old man coming into the ER dead on arrival after a heart attack. I was told his mom was on=2 0her way to the ER. When his frail 90 year old mom entered the room she screamed out “My baby my baby.” She sobbed. She hugged him. She held and rocked him. She kissed him all the while saying “My baby my baby.” I learned that night it doesn’t matter how old your child is because the parent child relationship is for life. That night her baby died. The night Andrew died was the night my baby died. Our children are our children forever.
I noticed …. I didn’t know what to say when people asked me “how many children do you have?” This caused me great anxiety when it came up in a conversation. I let them know I had two boys. Most of the time that was sufficient. If the conversation required more information. I told them that my oldest son Andrew died in an auto accident and he was a mechanical engineer. My younger son Elliott is alive and well and is a graphic designer. I told them about Andrew not so they could feel sorry for me but because I will always be his mom he will always be my child and I could not deny he had lived.
I noticed ….That people compared my loss to their father dying grandmother dying and yes; I had one person compare my loss to their dog dying. I knew these people didn’t have any intention of hurting me. They were just trying to relate to probably the very worst experience they20had ever had with death. I needed to let them know my father had died my grandmother and grandfather my friend my aunts and uncles and even my dogs died. My Andrew dying was like no other experience I have had with death or hopefully will ever encounter again. My life didn’t stop with all the other deaths…like it did when Andrew died. Even though I grieved the other deaths they didn’t hit the core of my existence…like Andrew’s death. My heart didn’t ache every minute of every day of every year like it did when Andrew died. The difference…I would have given my life to let Andrew live but I wasn’t give the choice.
I noticed ….That the old family traditions at Christmas Andrew’s birthday and other holidays needed to be changed to include something that kept Andrew’s memory alive. We started new traditions. At Christmas I give everyone an ornament that reminds me of Andrew and his life. Friends and family give me Christmas ornaments that reminded them of Andrew to hang on our new “Andrew tree.” We continue to gather on his birthday to celebrate his life. It’s not about the ornament the tree or his birthday. It’s about family and friends taki ng the time to remember Andrew. To say his name. To let me hear his name. To tell me a funny story they remember. It means so much to me and has allowed me to continue20to survive.
I noticed …. That even though it’s been four years Andrew continues to live in the lives of others. What I love most is when my nieces say “Aunt Sharon I felt Andrew today all around me” or “I heard his song and remember when…” Or when my nephew comes into the house with a new friend and asks “Where are the pictures of Andrew? I want to
introduce him to my friend.” When the little guys say “I needed to get to first base last week and I asked Andrew to help me and I made it.” Or when friends and family send me cards or mementos on his angel date or birthday. I will forever need to know that Andrew has not been forgotten. These little mentions of his name let me know I will survive.
I noticed …. After a year or two people were expecting the “old Sharon back.” They wanted me to move on with my life to be happy and to try to forget my son’s death. I guess they read one of those psychology or medical books that give bereaved parents one year to recover. I know now that the writers of those books never consulted a bereaved parent. Society doesn’t understand or seem to want to give us the time i t takes to get better. I let people know that I was working very hard on my recovery. I didn’t want pity. I wasn’t attention seeking or being a martyr when I cried. I wanted more than they did to feel like my old self again. I wanted the intense pain to stop. I hated where I was in my life and feeling this bad.
I let them know….I heard…that as the years pass the pain gets softer and the tears less but I will never fully recover. I will always miss Andrew. I will always grieve his death. He will always be apart of my life and I will never forget him.
My wish for you is that you will find peace and to know that your child is with you and will never be forgotten. "
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Hey Gemma XXX  / Jessica Wilkins (niece)

Hi gemma

 

I cant believe its nearly 5 years since ive seen you.We have a disco coming up soon i dunno wat to wear i need your help.I have a bf now i no what you would be saying and wanting to meet him im missing you so much your the best auntie and i couldnt ask for morei dont come on here a lot cause i just cry but when i dont i think off you in my own special way i write notes to you sometimes when feel down cause you would always cheer me up im going to come on here more offen now.we all wish you could come back into our lives in my heart your always there. Thinking off you everyday my lovely auntie miss you love you loads and loads auntie xxxxxxx 

 

LOVES YOU LOADS XXXXXX

 

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Happy Birthday Scott  / Gemma (sister)

TO MY LITTLE BROTHER SCOTT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NEVER FOPRGET YOU LOVE

GEMMA XXXX

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happy birthday  / Gemma (sister)

NEVER FORGETTING MY BIG SISTER'S BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATALIE

          LOVE YOUR SIS GEMMA XXX

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5 years this year and still missing you!  / Mum

Dear Gemma

I know i don't write here as often as i used to but that does'nt mean i don't think of you every second of every day.. we have just returned from yet another holiday without you and it still does'nt get any easier.. i feel ok whilst i'm away although when we are all together is when i miss you more than ever.. i can imagine you are at home whenever i'm away yet since coming home Sunday i feel so lost! it's so hard to put into words the feelings i have inside but there's just this emptiness i suppose there always will be.. i am ok whilst i am busy be it planning a day out even going to work! so i guess i have to start making more plans.. i already feel the time is right to start planning the garden this house feels so right although i will always wish that you were here to enjoy the beauty of the countryside..whenever i think of the last conversation i had with you it feels a lifetime already and it's only 4 yrs 6months.. yet i should never not have you in my life for this amount of time yes you would have been quite the adult now and maybe travelled or even worked in another country I could handle that as i could still have some contact with you be it text e-mail or phone call.. there is so much that you are missing here Gem I know how you loved to communicate through your PC and you would love Facebook everyone is on it all your friends even Alan.. i know you would have an account when i think of the many changes since you left that's when i am so sad you were only 20 you had'nt lived your life!! you should stil have had so many more years ahead of you.. i will never accept the reason it had to be you and not Anthony Burns he is probably living a good life yet it was him that took yours away from you!! in my eyes that makes him a murderer!! i don't care if others think that is harsh they are not your mother they are not living this bloody life without you.. i have to make the best of what i have and i do try so hard.. yet times like now are when i knowthese feelings never really go they subside only to flare up again and again..

I can't write as much as i used to Gem as i will always be repeating the same old same old.. I WAT YOU BACK HERE IN MY LIFE EACH AND EVERY DAY!!!!

I love you with all my heart and i neverever forget you Gemma just want so much more...

your heartbroken mum xx

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY  / Gemma (auntie)

FOR MY NIECE JESSICA HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY

                       LOVE & KISSES

                      AUNTIE GEMMA

                               XXXX

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HAPPY FATHERS DAY  / Gemma (daughter)

SENDING LOVE TO MY DAD THIS FATHERS DAY

LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER

YOUR YOUNGEST DAUGHTER

GEMMA

XXX

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY EMMA  / Gemma (Auntie)

 

 

HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY TO MY NIECE EMMA

LOVE YOU

AUNTIE GEMMA XXX

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forever missing you  / Mum

Hey Gemma.

I can't say there has been a time when i don't wish for you to be here.. with so much going on in everyone's lives your always thought of and missed so much.. we are moving house soon and as much as i know i will never feel completely happy i know with all the problems we have experienced with this house are good enough reasons to move on.. as with antything in life we can always change it but having you taken away so suddenly knowing we can't ever have you back is something no one or nothing can ever change or make right...

can't wait now to move house and i hope there is nothing that stops us from doing so.. i know with the new house i can go striaght in and put everyhting we have growing in tubs put striaght in the garden.. this is what i wanted to do with this house but all the drasinage problems we had with the garden although it has been dealt with i have no confidence in doing so.. so as with anything in life we have to do what we feel is right for us ..

Natalie has now moved into her own house with Daniel and i just want for her to be happy.. i thought the new guy in her life would do this but seems all he was after was somewhere convenient to stay.. I know if you were here you would have told Natalie what we all did that he just was'nt the right guy for her.. thankfully she has found this out for herself.. and as i told her there is someone better out there for her and i know when the time is right she will find him. in the meantime she has a lovely house and a gorgeous little boy... this is something i often wonder with you.. 4 years now from when i last spoke with you and saw you too long by far yet i have now accepted your not coming back time in itself has made me realise that.. yet i will never accept it had to be you.. that you had to die that night when Anthony Burns sitting inches away survived! i will never make sense of that.. he lives to continue his life all i hope is that he has continuing flashbacks to  that fateful day when he took it upon himself to  take your life with his dangerous driving....it is 5am in the morning and once again i  can't sleep.. this is my life now i can count on one hand the night where i sleep right through.. yet i have come to accept this is how it is and this is how it's gonna always be...

I have'nt been able to visit this site as often as i do .. the site owners have had so much trouble with viruses and computer hackers getting into the system.. why i don't know why would someone want to mess around with a website that was only ever made for the many people living like we are without their loved one..i will never understand the mentality of some people.. now the site is up and running again i can continue to keep you in my everyday life this is so important to me Gem and how i get through the many days and now years without you..  so many unanswered questions .. what would you look like now? what would you be doing in life? would you be married? with children? never will i get to love and enjoy the grandchildren you would have given me.. never will i experience seeing a new life come into this world as i did when Daniel was born.. so much has been robbed from us yet lives are taken far too easily at the hands of others who will never truly understand the enormous void this leaves in  so many other people's lives...

I will always long for what i can't ever have Gem and that is you.. i love you and always will

sweet dreams sweetheart

Mum xx

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changes.. / Mum
Dear Gemma

i get so frustrated when there are problems with this website.. so many of my feelings and emotions are logged here and one day when i am no longer here future generations of our family will read about you knowing how much you were loved andstill are loved! by me your mum and your sisters brother dad nieces and nephew.. YOUR family all our lives have changed drastically since you were killed.. that fateful day still can haunt me when i think too far back.. yet sometimes i have to revisit these times if only to realise what we had and what i now miss.. love for your child is something that is instant from the second you were born Gem i loved you such a happy time yet the day we looked at your lifeless body is one i will neverforget as long as i live!! and one we should never have experienced in our life times.. it's hard for others not living our life to truly understand the enormous effect this has in how we live our lives now.. we are moving again Gem .. yes this is the 2nd time in 3 years! so many negative things have happened to us in this house although we love living in the countryside this house is not the one we want to be in.. like everything in life Gem you can change it if you son't like it or are unhappy with it.. your death has made us all realise we have to do what is right for us and live for today! what happened tyo you can happen to any one of us at anytime! so you see we have learn't so much from your death. although i will never accept you being taken for us as a reason...

I will always wish i could call you text or visit you i still miss so much my times with you..

I love you always Gemma never forget that...no matter where you are i will always remember you and always love you..

Mum x
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Happy Birthday  / Marie

Happy Birthday MUM xx

Love all your Children xxxx

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happy birthday gemma miss you xxx  / Jessica Wilkins

hey gemma,

Happy 25th birthday we all miss you and wish you were here to have a lovely bithday i wish you were here so i could run up to you and have a big cuddle when ive had disco i always think i wish i could go over to nans and say gemma please could you do my hair and makeup you do makeup and hair so good

i love you gemma and i cant explain how much

hope to meet again my best auntie xxxxx

                     jessica xxxxxxxxxxxxxx always thinking of you

 

 

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4 years 2 months 3 weeks...  / Mum

Dear Gem

so much time has passed yet i still find myself so sad on what should be a happy family day!! this is the 5th birthday we have to celebrate wothout you here and it does'nt get any easier.. such a short time has passed yet so much has happened within our family.. Marie has married Natalie has her own child your brother Scott is 16 and so much like you not only in looks but also in hos outlook on life! he has so much ambition and i really hope he achieves his goals just as i wish you could have had a longer life to achieve what you wanted in life.. we all think we have all the time in the world yet so often life is cut short.. I notice so how much Dad and i have changed we are older and also our outlook to life has changed yet i will never understand why we had to lose you to realise this.. we had always done things as a family good holidays special days out.. so much so that you children would have good memories to tell your children when maybe we are no longer here.. never did i think that i would outlive a child of mine! yet i suppose so many other parents do.. we always say why us? why our family? these are questions i will always find hard and never get answers to..

the family and your friends have moved on in their lives.. it does anger me i suppose because i will always be so sad on what should be a happy family time.. others can never understand the ongoing pain unless it happens to them and although harsh there are times i do wish that they could experience this life then maybe they would not try and tell me how i should be moving on!!

I could go on and on Gem but will always wish that i could tell you so much in person i will wish this until the day i die.. then maybe if what is said is true i will find peace if i can see and be with you once again

Love you always and forever darling Gemma never forget you or the special day you were brought into my life..

sweet dreams sweetheart

Love Mum xxxx 

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Happy Birthday!  / Family Of William Myers

Happy Birthday Gemma-God Bless

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DANIEL'S BIRTHDAy  / X. MuM

Dear Gem
Daniel is 2 years old today and I will always wish that you were here to celebrate his special day with him..I see how excited Natalie is for him celebrating the day of his birth which is always such a happy occasion…I remember so clearly all the special birthdays we celebrated with you all those when you were small as well as the last one ever your 20th little knowing it would be the last.. you had even made plans for your 21st wanting to have a Limo take you to Chilis a favourite restaurant I would give anything to be able to change what happened but it’s so frustrating knowing there’s nothing that can be done.. I have to continue this life forever without you here… however much I try nothing ever really can make a difference..that’s why I always have to make plans.. it can be anything but there always has to be something in place to help in living this life without you… as a family we are as close as ever I am so glad your sisters are close as they were when you were here. Just that when I see them together I always miss you as I have 3 daughters always will…nothing I do Gem ever takes my mind away from thoughts of you..

I don’t write here as much as I did I tire of writing the same old thing.. mainly being that
I WANT you BACK!! HERE WHERE you BELONG.. WITH uS yOuR FAMILy

NEVER STOP LOVING OR MISSING you XX

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You are not alone  / Melissa Hedge (Daughter of Angel Paul W. Thomas )

Shirley, Sometimes the pain of loosing someone you love makes you forget that you are not alone. Thank you so much for lighting a candle on my Dad's site. It brought tears to my eyes to see that other people really do care, And that I am not alone. You and your family are in my thoughts and Prayers may God Bless you all. Melissa Daughter of Angel Paul W. Thomas

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could re-live yesterday
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

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Birthday Wishes Sent with Love  / Precious Memorials

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Happy NEW YEARS IN HEAVEN ANGIE LOVE WENDY & SARAH  / Wendy HIGGINS Angel Kevin Conatty Fiance And SARAH STEP DAUGHTER (ANGEL FRIEND )

HAPPY NEW YEARS IN HEAVEN GEMMA WE LOVE YOU AND WILL NEVER FORGET YOU LOVE WENDY AND SARAH KEVIN CONATTY FIANCE AND STEP DAUGHTER

www.kevin-conatty.memory-of.com

 

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MERRY CHRISTMAS GEMMA♥ WENDY&SARAH  / WENDY HIGGINS ANGEL KEVIN CONATTY'S FIANCE ♥. SARAH KEVIN CONATTY’S STEP♥DAUGHTER (ANGEL KEVIN CONATTY'S FRIEND )

WISHING EVERYONE IN GEMMA’S FAMILY A VERY HEALTH, HAPPY,AND SAFE HOLIDAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYS FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS
GOD BLESS
WENDY AND SARAH ♥
ANGEL KEVIN CONATTY'S FIANCE AND STEP-DAUGHTER

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MERRY CHRISTMAS LOTS OF HUGS WENDY AND SARAH  / WENDY HIGGINS ANGEL KEVIN CONATTY'S FIANCE SARAH KEVIN'S STEP-DAUGHTER (ANGEL KEVIN CONATTY'S FRIEND )

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